So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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