I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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