Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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