Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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