I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
