Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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