I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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