I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
