you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
