i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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