if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
