Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
