like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
