oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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