im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize