Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
