I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
why is half of my head shaved?
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