thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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