Buhtt sex?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
