Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
