I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize