So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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