there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
