you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
