She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
