I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
