I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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