She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
