Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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