last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
