Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
