Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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