there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
