i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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