i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
