Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize