i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
