Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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