Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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