i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
