Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
