Michael Bay diarrhea
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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