So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
