Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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