i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
