I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
