I will die if light touches me.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
