is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
