She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
