Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
