remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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