My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Damn victory sex feels great
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