so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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