You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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