and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
