Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
