She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
