i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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