hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
