Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
