One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Two words: nipple clamps
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