Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
