so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
