That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
