Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
FUCK WHALES
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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