dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
