Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
