My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so let's talk penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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