Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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