wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
